Even Goby fish do it.
Dieting, that is.
Why, you may ask? You’d think that dieting would be a death sentence for a tiny osteichthyes, no bigger than a bloated paper clip. But some goby fish see slimming down as survival.
In essence, gobies, lower on the ladder of piscine hierarchy, starve themselves to minimize their threat to plumper, more powerful leaders. Starving is a way out of imminent confrontation.
This fish story doesn't just have import for our marine friends; it bears on human behavior as well and brings] to mind several of the marriages I profiled in Lying in
Weight: the Hidden Epidemic of Eating Disorders in Adult Women.
“Who partners up with a woman weighing 85 pounds?” I asked.
The answer: any one of five categories of men (or women if the male is the one with the eating disorder or the relationship is same-sex). The so-called, “Macho Man, Control and Conquer,” is like the superior goby acting in concert with his inferior, anorexic wife/girlfriend.
The husband/boyfriend could be an executive, doctor, attorney, military officer, or minister. He’s the man used to managing other people, assigning duties, and being aggressively IN CHARGE. He chooses a partner with an eating disorder because she will accept his alpha position, and by extension, her subordinate one. She starves to shrink into her Stepford role. As a bonus, she’s slender and trophy-like in appearance. All the more reason for him to stay with her.
However, human beings aren’t gobies. The fish find power imbalance as the key to maintaining a stable, noncompetitive society. The fish can maintain smaller sizes without becoming mentally ill.
Humans are a different story.
Take one common scenario: a woman in this situation shrinks down to “feel loved.” But she eventually realizes -- and admits -- that her partner does not love her for her. He loves her for what she can do for him. And as his dominance continues, she regresses into self-loathing. She does more of the eating- disordered behaviors such as starving, vomiting and/or exercising to excess. Finally, she becomes so sick that she is hospitalized and/or unable to fulfill her duties to him. He, then, dumps her for someone better able to do the job.
Another scenario -- and the one I like so much better -- is the woman who reaches her breaking point. She taps that strength buried inside her and fights back, not with food, but her voice. She swells up in her body, as well as personality. And the couple renegotiates their relationship. Or she, healthier, leaves him to look for a better partner. After all, there are more fish in the sea.